October 28, 2016

How Text Alerts Can Save a Relationship: A Short Story

how-text-alerts-can-save-a-relationship

[Disclaimer: This is not a true story and is not meant to be taken seriously]

Hi, my name is Jefferson, and this is the tragedy of how my first relationship fell apart.

You’d think that my experience almost getting murdered with a pencil would have taught me to keep my phone on me at all times. As it turns out, I’m a slow learner.

See, I met this girl (yes, a girl!!) in my sociology class. Her name is Natalie. She is, in all honesty, of average looks and intelligence but beggars can’t be choosers so I was ok with that!

Anyway, one day she started noticing me—like really noticing. She would make all kinds of comments to me, but I don’t know much about women so I couldn’t really tell if she was flirting or if she just liked to talk. Probably both.

So she kept talking to me and I kept listening and eventually somehow we ended up going on a date of sorts. I’m still not 100% sure how that came about; it was all kind of a blur.

I said I would take her out but her stipulation was that she got to choose the restaurant. I was thinking McDonald’s, but she picked some fancy place that cost like $30 for an entree. My dad had given me some cash for textbooks and emergencies; I figured I was on my first date ever and didn’t want to blow it, so that surely qualified as an emergency.

While we were eating at the restaurant, Natalie kept going on and on about how much she loved UGG boots (all I could think about was why would a manufacturer call their product “UGG”?). Eventually she asked me if I would buy her a pair.

I pulled out my wallet and saw that I had $20 left over, plus I knew I had at least $30 spending money available in my checking account (who needs textbooks, right?). I thought surely $50 would be enough to pay for a pair of UGGly boots.

Sure, $50 was a lot of money, but I had never had any sort of girlfriend before so I figured this was what guys were supposed to do on dates.

We ended up at some clothing store at the mall and when I saw the price of those boots, my jaw about fell out of joint in shock.

Let’s just say it was more than $50.

I had to tell her I couldn’t afford to buy those boots, and it was one of the most humiliating experiences of my life. She glared at me, told me loudly she knew she shouldn’t have gone out with me, and stormed off in a huff.

Everyone in the store stared at me as my face turned tomato-beet-red. I thought about running out but was paralyzed, glued to the floor, eyes wide and mouth hanging open like I was stupid or something.

Eventually I made it back to the dorms somehow, certain that Natalie had already told everyone in the whole school what had happened. Were people staring at me more than usual? Everywhere I looked I swore I could see people whispering to each other about me, pointing at me, giggling.

At last I made it to my own room and discovered that my phone still sat on my desk—apparently I had forgotten to take it with me on our “date.”

With great reluctance I checked my text messages, certain I would find an angry text from Natalie or a text from somebody at school making fun of me for being a cheapskate.

What I found was worse: a text alert from a local retailer letting me know that there was an overstock of UGG boots and that I could show the text at checkout to get 50% off.

Thus, I learned that remembering to bring your phone could save a relationship. And I never forgot to bring my phone anywhere ever again.

Save a relationship! Get a text alert system today. 🙂

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